Name: Thelma
Relationship Status: It’s Complicated (“In the crapper”?)
Occupation: Chief Excavation & Exploratory Officer, THE DRAIN CO.
Degree: Master of Science in Root-ology
Alma Mater: Pipington Preparatory Academy
Zodiac Sign: Pisces | Zodiac Element: Water, of course (!)
As a proud Southern Belle with Irish ancestry, Thelma was a precocious child with a penchant for burrowing activities, having once been arrested for flooding the neighborhood golf course gopher holes. Following high school graduation, Thelma clogged her way through the prestigious Pipington Preparatory Academy on an Irish dancing scholarship. She irregularly performed with her sorority sisters in a famous dancing troop called the Solid Waste Waifs, showcasing a talent she still uses to this day. (As a top-producing DRAIN CO. field technician many years later, she would call it her rain dance.)
After snaking her way through a series of dead-end jobs in the sanitation sector, Thelma took over the family business after her father’s death, Dr. Wayne Crapper, the company’s namesake (stylized as Dr-Wayne-Co, aka The Drain Co.). She leads and rules our organization with an iron plunger.
Through hard work and perseverance, Thelma took the company from a piss-pour performance to a much-anticipated initial public offering (IPO) on the Nasdaq (symbol CLOG) in the space of 12 short months. Commenting on her business prowess and success during her infamous CNN interview on the Larry King Live show, Thelma quipped: “Ah, shucks. I ain’t did nothin’ much but dig my heels in, roll up my cuffs and plunge into my work, head first.”
For Thelma, THE DRAIN CO. customers are her life, and she offers this bit of advice: “Practice common sense and maintenance before calling the Plumber.”
In her spare time, Thelma enjoys roughhousing with her beloved Irish Water Spaniels Tank and Flusher, playing the banjo, and watching Discovery Channel documentaries with her African Grey Parrot Piper.
Oh, yes… and why the roller wet-set hair-do in public? In her own words: I’m never one much worried ’bout lookin’ purty. We got drains to un-clog, damn it!”)
